Having a One Night Stand
Sometimes, you just need to have a one night stand. But the process is a little different for women than it is for men. Here’s how to have a successful one night stand, from a woman’s perspective.
Know what it is you want.
Sometimes women feel guilty at the idea of having a one night stand. We’re pressured by society not to do that sort of thing, for fear of being labeled a slut. And that’s a shame, because men do it all the time and no one cares. So you have to decide for yourself if this is really what you want. If you actually are looking for a relationship, don’t lie to yourself and say you’re okay with a one night stand — that’s only going to lead to heartbreak.
But let’s say you’re absolutely sure and absolutely ready to go forth. It’s important to be your charming self. In so many dating situations we’re told to “be yourself” and it’s cliché but it’s true. Don’t feel you have to become Samantha from Sex and the City. And don’t feel that you have to apologize for wanting this. You’re allowed to be you and you’re allowed to want a one night stand. I promise.
Make sure that both parties know what’s up. It’s awful to sleep with someone who isn’t on the same page as you are, emotionally. Don’t sleep with a dude who clearly has a thing for you and is hoping that your one night is going to turn into many nights. That isn’t fair. I’m not saying you have to sit down and have a discussion over it, but you have to somehow communicate that this is just a night of fun, and not the first night of the rest of your lives. You don’t have to blunt and clinical about it, but don’t be too coy either. Maybe drop somewhere that you’re not looking for a relationship; you’d just really like to enjoy their company. Wink wink.
That’s good to have in any dating situation, and especially this one. Again, don’t feel apologetic for wanting a one night stand. Feel good about your decision. Have fun!
Hopefully this goes without saying, but I’m saying it anyway. And I don’t mean “be safe” in terms of just using a condom. I mean be safe as in, if your instinct tells you not to sleep with someone and/or go home with them, don’t. Women are often encouraged to ignore our instincts. Don’t. They’re the best tool we have.
The Stages of a One Night Stand
We’ve broken down the one night stand into 9 distinct emotional stages. Do any of these sound familiar?
That moment when you realize a make-out session is going to turn into some (hopefully) steamy casual sex is an exciting one. It’s especially exciting if you’ve been going through a bit of a dry spell. You are going to have sex! Yes, you! It’s OK to indulge in an imaginary happy dance. Sex. Is. Happening.
There’s always a point when you’re heading towards Penis-in-Vagina-ville (or whatever your preferred anatomy &/or orifice is) where you have a moment of sheer paranoia. Did I remember to shave today? Does my breath smell like those three gin & tonics I just downed? Damn-it, I should have gone to the gym last week! Chill out pal – it’s OK to be a bit nervous before sleeping with someone new. After all, you’re seeing each other completely naked which can make you feel vulnerable. Caring about making a good first impression is a good thing. However, don’t let it throw it off your game. Everyone has their insecurities. Confidence and a positive attitude are contagious. Instead of dwelling on what may go wrong, take a deep breath and focus on how psyched you are to see the other person naked!
No, not like this.
SHOCK AND AWE
No one night stand is without it’s share of surprises – that’s what makes them fun, or at the very least entertaining. Whether it’s a good surprise (like discovering the skinny, slightly nerdy bloke you’re undressing is actually hung like a race horse) or a bad surprise (like your date has absolutely no idea where your clitoris is), sometimes you just have to roll with the punches and laugh about it later.
So maybe this person isn’t your soul mate…and maybe, that thing they do with their tongue is a bit weird. But you know what? In this case, getting laid is definitely preferable to not getting laid, so you decide to take one for the team and see where this goes. What’s the worst that could happen?
Surprises aside, if things are going well it’s likely that your sex session will result one or more partners looking like this. Success!
However, sometimes one night stands don’t turn out to be everything you’d hoped. (“What is he doing with his fingers?! It feels like I’m being probed by aliens. Seriously, he’s putting his tongue there?”) Most of us have been in a situation where the sex just isn’t working for us AT ALL and we just can’t wait for it to be over. Don’t sweat it – it happens to the best of us. Not everyone is going to have off the charts sexual chemistry. If you’ve tried to communicate to your date what you do like and they still aren’t getting it, just try and relax and take what you can out of the experience. Bad sex is a bit like a rainstorm – sometimes you just have to wait it out.
For better or for worse, you did it! You got laid. Yes, you. A one night stand has been had and hopefully you had fun in the process. If you didn’t have a good time, give yourself a high-five that at least it’s over and you can now go home and watch a few episodes of Game of Thrones.
So, that just happened…
One night stands are mostly based on attraction, chemistry and sometimes a lot of Tequila. Life is not a French art house movie – the likelihood that your pillow talk with lead to deep philosophical conversations is next to zilch. You haven’t truly known awkwardness until you’ve tried to make small talk with that hot stranger you just had sex with, only to discover you have NOTHING remotely in common (except for the fact that you just banged.)
If casual sex is all you’re after, the best way to minimize awkwardness is to make a swift exit. If you’re not going to have sex again, don’t linger. Don’t insist on cuddling. And, whatever you do don’t try to stay over. Instead, be polite, thank your date for a great time and make a graceful exit.
The easiest and quickest way to find a f-buddy in your area looking for a one night stand is to sign up for an adult dating service like No Strings Dating. A site dedicated to helping adults find a fuck buddy:
- UK F-Buddy
- Australian F-Buddy
- Canadian F-Buddy
- Irish F-Buddy
- New Zealand F-Buddy
- South Africa F-Buddy
- American F-Buddy
One Night Stand Survival Kit
When you’ve been in a long-term, committed relationship you tend to forget certain things about what it’s like to be single. For example, what it’s like to wake up in a guy’s bed for the first time with only last night’s outfit to wear home. No one likes to wake up feeling gross, so I thought I’d share with you my tips for creating a “Sexy Sleepover Survival Kit” that you can bring with you on dates. If I have the slightest inkling that I might not be sleeping in my own bed, I make sure I pack my toothbrush plus the following items before leaving the house.
Although most guys who want to actually get laid will have condoms on hand, I like to bring my own just in case and suggest you do the same. Why get caught unprepared, right? As we know, condoms aren’t one-size-fits-all so I like to bring condoms in a couple of different sizes and varieties. I love the selection of top-of-the-line condoms that Luckybloke carries because you can purchase them based on size.
Don’t forget lube! Not only does lube make sex feel great, it can actually make safe sex safer by reducing friction that could lead to a torn condom while also making condoms more comfortable. Not sure what to buy? My favourite company Lucky Bloke also carries a variety of different lube samplers that include a bunch of single use lube packets in different formulas that are perfect for travel.
Facial Cleansing wipes
If I could give any teen or 20-something skin care advice it’s this: always remove your makeup before bed. Your face will thank you in ten years. However, carrying around a bottle of cleanser can be cumbersome and messy. That’s why I always bring a pack of facial cleansing cloths that remove dirt and make-up in one sweep. Healthy skin + no racoon eyes in the morning = a total WIN.
Mini bottle of moisturizer
Although I’m pretty comfortable with how I look without make-up on, if I don’t moisturize before I go to bed my skin looks ashen in the morning. I recommend bringing a travel sized amount of moisturizer in your survival kit (this is a great way to use up all the free samples you get from the beauty counter!) If your moisturizer can also double as a body lotion, even better.
Contact Solution and glasses:
There’s almost nothing worse than falling asleep while wearing your contacts because you don’t have the proper products to remove them. Even if I’m just heading over to a friend’s place to watch a movie I always bring a small container of contact lens fluid, my contact case and my glasses in case my eyes get dry. Besides, girls in glasses are sexy.
Say what?! Yes, I said earplugs! Confession: I sleep with earplugs almost everyday. The habit started when I lived in an apartment located on a very busy street and I kept it up when I fell in love and moved in with a guy who snored. Now I can’t fall asleep without them in my ears. Feel free to judge and talk about me all you want, I WON’T BE ABLE TO HEAR YOU.
Oh wait! There is something worse than waking up with scratchy contacts: waking up and realizing that you are without your morning dose of birth control/acne medication/xanax/brain drugs/what have you. For your own sanity and peace of mind, don’t leave home without them. The last thing you want to be worrying about in the morning is “I should probably get home to take my meds” when really all you want to do is snuggle in bed (or go for another round!) with your sexy lover.
Sometimes you just need to freshen up down there. The Pjur Med Clean Wipes are great for this kind of situation because you can use them directly on your skin or to clean any sex toys you may have used. They’re convenient and will leave you feeling so fresh & so clean.
*If you’re scared to touch the soap in a someone’s bathroom, you should not be dating this person.
An extra pair of underwear
As someone who likes to change her underwear multiple times throughout the day, I say that there’s no shame in making sure you have an extra pair of underwear on hand.
I know I already reminded you to pack your toothbrush, but I also like to bring a small travel sized bottle of mouthwash to use. Brushing your teeth immediately before or after performing oral sex can create small abrasions that can make you susceptible to STI’s and other infections. Instead, freshen up using mouth wash.
If you pack wisely, you should be able to stash everything away in a cute case that says “I’m a confident, sexy woman who’s prepared for anything”