Sex and Relationships, they go hand in hand, but how do you make both work well together?
Sex and Relationships
Top 10 Sex & Dating Deal Breakers
There’s are some very good reasons to avoid that second date (or second roll in the sack). Ordinarily, I would advise people to give it time, to see how things go. But, sometimes a deal breaker is a deal breaker.
- You treat the wait staff like crap. I don’t care hot you are or how nice you are to me, if you treat the waiter like garbage, I am not going home with you. Similarly, if you tip poorly, I will judge you, not because I expect you to be rich but because I expect you to realize that the waiter has to make a living.
- You thrust mindlessly and then ask, “Why won’t you come!?” Um, because you couldn’t be farther from my clit if you were in the next postal code? In-and-out is not gonna do it, buddy, and getting exasperated with me isn’t helping.
- You don’t ask before launching into kinks in bed. A friend of mine once got slapped across the face during what was – before that – some pretty great casual sex. Want to involve your kinks, you absolutely need to communicate, preferably before sex but at the very least during. If you ask me to slap you, I will. If you just haul off and slap me? I’ll be taking my things and leaving, thank you.
- You don’t dress appropriately. The fact is, I don’t have any interest in dating someone who shows up to our date in an off-kilter snap-back and oversized t-shirt. You look like my fifteen year old cousin’s pot dealer. Even Jesse Pinkman got his wardrobe game together towards the end of Breaking Bad, and he was a meth head, so there is absolutely no excuse for you.
- You go on and on about how much you love to go down on ladies, and when the time comes, you’re there for like, five minutes. You are all talk, friend. Trust me when I say that I can find someone else who will put his mouth to good use.
- You don’t text in full sentences. This one is only permissible if English is not your first language. Otherwise, I expect actual sentences, since hardly anyone pays per text anymore. Similarly, “How r u? lol” is not funny, so why the lol? Also, I’m probably not going to answer you.
- You tell me I’m “not like other girls.” Actually, I am. I have a lot of girl friends. Girls are great. What you mean is, “I’m a misogynist,” and like Sir Mixalot might say, well, I ain’t down with that.
- You’re threatened by sex toys. I get it, for some reason, this idea exists that people have to compete with vibrators and dildos. But they don’t, because the reality is, they’re like burgers and fries. Each is great on its own, better together, and the two can’t really be compared. If we can work past this, it might not be a deal breaker after all.
- You haven’t read a book since high school. I do not personally think that reading proves that you are or aren’t intelligent. However, reading is a big part of my life. I love being able to read and discuss books. If you haven’t read anything in the last ten years, I just don’t think we’re going to go anywhere.
- You’ve already given up on dating. If you won’t get out there, how can I meet you? That’s the fastest way to kill a relationship: Ensuring it doesn’t even get the chance to start.
Show Some Love for the Toys
Are They Interested?
Last week I read a tweet to the effect of, “If he’s thinking about you, he’s calling or texting you.” Meaning of course, that if our phones are not constantly lighting up, blinking, flashing and ringing that the guy in question is not interested in us at all, so we should probably start to get over it, and read He’s Not Just That Into You for the 20th time. Don’t assume that if a guy isn’t texting, that isn’t interested. I’ve met great guys online, and have definitely found myself obsessing over how long he takes to text me back or wondering why he didn’t call when he said he would. I’ve lost sleep over it, and totally stressed myself out. When a guy I like hasn’t texted me back in a week, I started to doubt myself–was something wrong with me?
Needy or Not
In the grand scheme of things I understand what this 140 character blurb’s intention was. To empower women and to remind them that they deserve better! To reinforce that we all deserves someone who wants to talk all.the.time, text all.the.time-but if we’re being honest, we want this without having to really want it, or shudder-come across as “needy.” Our worst fear has become being called a Stage 5 Clinger and we worry that if we want to send a guy we like an innocent “I hope you have a great day!” text message, that he’ll get spooked and run away.
I sent one of my best friends the above tweet and her response was brilliant. “That’s not true dude. We think about them all the time and aren’t calling them. I’m thinking about HIM right now but I’m not calling/texting/sending him a messenger pigeon. Why does he have to and why does that mean he isn’t thinking about me?”
So How Important Is Texting and Calling In a Relationship?
Every relationship is different, every relationship stage has it’s own challenges and not all guys are created equal. I’ve dated guys who are texting and calling monsters and at the beginning it’s fun but after a while…what do we need to say…especially when I know I’ll be seeing him later on that day? And then, you start to expect it, right? If he sends you a good morning text most days, but happens to miss a random Wednesday because he was late to work, forgot his coffee or was sick, does it all of a sudden mean you aren’t on his mind? Or more importantly, in his heart? I feel like all these one line quotes-“If he likes you, it only takes 30 seconds to shoot a text” can be ridiculously dangerous. (In the beginning of a dating relationship, I understand this a little more. But as things progress…shouldn’t your relationship?)
Space is OK
In all honesty, I struggle with this. Space is important, and especially around certain times of the month, I tend to throw all remnants of rationale out the window and forget. I forget that life doesn’t always revolve around me, and that the guy I like has tons of other things going on in his world besides checking in with me through-out the day. I forget that his job is ridiculously stressful, and his boss makes him crazy so the fact that he isn’t texting me between 8-5 is not a reflection upon how he feels about me. OR if he’s thinking about me. And you know what? Even if he’s not thinking about me at all times…I’m ok with that. He works hard. He’s a social butterfly, he’s a loving son, cousin and uncle. He’s a surfer and mountain biker and tries to squeeze as much into the rest of his day as possible.
He’s a great guy and I’m not going to turn into some crazed lunatic drama queen just because he isn’t calling or texting 24/7. Have some confidence. And if he’s not giving you what you need, what your heart needs-phone calls, or otherwise, maybe he’s not the one for you.
Think Beyond The Text Message
He calls me to make plans or when there is something important to talk about. He tries to text me during the work day if it allows. He remembers the important things and when he’s with me, he’s 100% PRESENT. When we’re together, his phone, I’ve noticed, is never in use. He tells me how he feels and most importantly, he shows me. I know where I stand-I just need to remember that. One thing I do believe is that if a guy wants to be with you, he will. But can’t he show that in different ways…in his own way? And if I need more non face to face communication, well we are adults here and there is nothing wrong with telling your boyfriend that it would make your day if he texted you once or twice duing the workday. Maybe he just needs a bit of a nudge in the right direction! I’ve spent too much of my dating time worrying about insignificant things like text messages and negating the things that actually count.
Expect The Best
When I unfortunately do get that yucky feeling because it’s 4pm on a Tuesday and I haven’t heard from him yet, maybe I’ll re-read this post. I’ll remember that I wanted a guy with a full life, who is there when it counts, and I’ll be thankful for him. When it comes to dating, women can sometimes be conditioned to expect the worst of men, and it’s horribly unfair. I’ll expect the best-because it’s all he’s shown me anyway. Maybe on these days, I’ll shoot him a short text-“Hope you’re having a good day!” Without expecting anything back. Perhaps it will make him smile. Relationships are a two way street, after-all. Sometimes I feel like this is so forgotten.
…But Be Smart
With that said, it’s important to be smart and not take this as a license to believe what you want to believe. Actions always speak louder than words, and so if a guy hasn’t texted you in two weeks, it’s time to move on. If he never ever responds to your text messages or phone calls, he’s not interested in you. Tough pill to swallow? Sure. But at least you won’t keep wasting your time on a guy who doesn’t give you any of his.
Health Benefits of Sex
The Affects Sexual Deprivation Has On Our Bodies & Minds
- Weaker immune system
- Increased risk of breast cancer in females
- Lower mortality rate in males
- Less attractive
- Increased risk of heart disease in males
Yikes. As if we need any more reasons to get more action between the sheets.
Jonathan Bennett, thepopularman.com
While sexual deprivation can be extremely frustrating, I can think of one big positive: it can lead to major self-improvement. Many men and women who experience sex droughts are forced to look within themselves and ask: why am I not getting any? That question typically spurs them towards self-improvement to try to get more sex. Many people have lost weight, gotten in shape, and worked on their personality in response to a lack of sex. They made themselves better and more attractive so they could have more success in dating and getting into a sexual relationship. The urge to have sex was so strong that it motivated them to make major life changes they might otherwise never have made.
Suprising Sex Facts
- Sex burns 5 calories per minute
- Having sex weekly lessens menopausal hot flushes
- Prostate cancer chances are lessened the more men ejaculate
- Sex strengthens your pelvic floor, meaning less chances of erectile dysfunction
- Sex contributes to a higher immune system
- Heart disease chances are lessened the more sex you have
- Migraine pain is lessened with frequent sexual activity
Basically, having sex on the regular is a great thing!
Signs You’ve in Relationship Territory
Ah, love’s young dream. What better feeling than the first throes of passion – when you can’t get enough of each other and spend your time in a constant bubble of fuzziness and butterflies. Dating is such fun – but, naturally, things settle down and sadly, the buzz of a new relationship quickly turns into the monotony of a stable one.
It’s not all bad news though, what you lack in excitement and butterflies you make up for in box sets and bickering – I jest of course, relationships are *amazing*, ahem.
So, how to tell that you’ve gone from casual dating to something more serious? 15 ways to tell you stepped over to the dark side:
1. You swap the high life for the sofa
Swanky bars and slap-up dinners? Perks of the first few months of dating and a cause for financial bankruptcy, in London at least, further down the line. Now your relationship is all about chilling out on the sofa, a quick pint down the pub or fortnightly date nights.
2. Sex is quick
But because you know exactly what you both like now, it is also highly efficient and concludes with the correct results every time. (read: orgasms)
3. You stop thinking about them all the time
Your partner that is, not orgasms. No one stops thinking about orgasms.
4. You have private jokes
Pet names, silly faces and a past that you share – all together now – ahhhh.
5. You bicker
Arguing isn’t a sign of a long-term relationship, bickering is. You know, who’s taking the rubbish out, towels on the floor, why he had to go out with his mates *again* this weekend … oh, the joys of coupledom.
6. … but you make up
A cheeky smile, a kiss and a quick make-up bonk? Yes, the joys of coupledom.
7. You’ve met all their friends and don’t have to pretend to like his sister
And think nothing of spending two hours slagging off his mum, 10 minutes after she’s left the room.
8. He takes a dump while you have a bath
No explanation needed.
9. You take 10 minutes to get ready
Whereas pre date preparations used to take hours, nay, days, now he’d be lucky it you changed your knickers and put on a bit of clear mascara. Just as well he likes the natural look.
10. You’ve seen him ill/drunk/angry/tearful/fart in his sleep
And still fancy him.
11. You consult each other when you want a night out or weekend away
A stag weekend in Prague you say? Let me get back to you on that one.
12. You talk about the future and nobody flinches
And words like marriage, mortgage and kids don’t freak anyone out.
13. You’re not jealous of each others ex’s
Because what you lack now in thrills you make up for in security.
14. You stopped celebrating your anniversary
because there’s been so many
15. Blow jobs are a distant dream
Ok, maybe you don’t *completely* stop celebrating anniversaries.
Haven’t Had Sex in a While?
Everyone, well most people go through a dry spell when it comes to having sex on a regular basis. What stage have you reached:
Oh the dreaded sexual dry-spell. We’ve all been there. Sometimes it’s self-inflicated (hey, sometimes you have to focus on other stuff, you know?) and other times it’s just by chance. Here’s a few signs that you haven’t had sex in awhile.
You find yourself attracted to the strangest people. Like, the guy who works at your parking garage, Steve Buscemi or the veins on Carrot Top’s arms.
Riding the very crowded cross-town bus is the only human contact you’re receiving lately and it makes you feel totally creepy. “Oh hey, moderately OK looking stranger, could you please bump your briefcase against my elbow again? Yes, just like that.”
You’re eating and drinking everything in sight. As a heterosexual woman, I speak from experience when I say that if I can’t find a penis to put inside me, I’ll choose to fill myself with my other two favourite things, ice cream and sangria. I call this “eating my sex drive.” Now pass me that pizza pie. Yes, the whole pie.
You’re feeling tense. Very, very tense. So tense in fact, that you catch yourself flying off the handle over the littlelest things. HEY BAND OF LOSERS, WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU STOPPED SELLING THE MEAT LOVERS PIZZA? ANGRY ME HUNGRY!
You are doing everything in bed except having sex. Eating. Watching Netflix. Half-Assed Yoga Poses. Doing all three at the same time. Your bed has become a dirty nest of unwashed sheets, laundry, electronic cords and nacho crumbs. But, hey – it’s not like anyone is coming over so what do you care?
You’ve had to stop listening to the new Beyonce album. All things Beyonce are off-limits right now. CAN’T HANDLE IT. Ok, just make it stop.
You just physically crave it. Like an over indulgent dessert or an ice-cold pint, your body is telling you it needs sex. So, stop denying it and go get yours!
Lies That Are Ok To Tell When You’re In A Relationship
Everyone knows the rule: honesty is the best policy. And it’s true…most of the time. Sometimes, it’s truly the best thing for the relationship to tell a white lie or two.
Here are a few situations where the honesty rule is made to be broken.
1. About much you (dis)like his friends
Some guys are lucky enough to have friends that are truly great: respectful, funny and inclusive of you, while still being able to act like dudes when they’re out with the boys. Every guy has a few buddies that drive you crazy. But this is one time when it’s better to swallow your true feelings, and just enjoy the best you can. Friends are important, and if you’re honest with yourself, you know a few of your ladies drive him nuts too, right? Discouraging friendships is always a no-no, and by complaining about his friends, that’s exactly what you’re doing.
2. About the time and money you spend on your beauty rituals
Most guys don’t understand the joy of your $50 bottle of skin primer, or the sheer bliss of a fancy pedicure. No need to reveal that you just spent $15 on a bottle of nail polish or that the reason you couldn’t take his call was because your face mask was drying. You can keep your beauty budget and rituals to yourself — a little mystery never hurt anyone.
3. About your Facebook stalking tendencies
We all have people’s profiles (read: ex’s profiles) that we enjoy perusing. And their ex-girlfriends. And your weird ex-friend from college. It’s normal, and it’s likely he does it too. As long as you’re not sending tawdry messages or letting those habits take away from your time together, those things can stay between you and your browser.
4. About whether you accept free drinks when you go out, as well as the harmless flirting
If you’re out with the girls, you’re bound to have a drink offered to you. Accepting it graciously, saying thank you and chatting for a few minutes is harmless, and there’s no reason to rush home and tell him every last thing that happened. Please note: there is a line between “having a free drink” and “making out in the corner of the bar after someone sends you a free drink.”
5. About whether other partners were better in the bedroom
Sexual health is something you must be honest about, no exceptions, ever. But there’s no reason to rub the fact that your ex was much better in the sack. Instead of comparing him to someone else, try giving gentle tips and guidance to get him going in the right direction, but without giving him details about past partners.
Craziest Sex Facts From Around The World
The world is a huge and diverse place. Sometimes we get stuck in our own personal bubbles and forget that there is a whole world out there with different views and opinions on sex and relationships. What is normal in one culture might sound insane to another. See for yourself! Here are ten of the craziest sex facts from around the world.