Anal Play for Beginners

Anal sex may not be the taboo that it once ways. With new, innovative, quality sex toy manufacturers and retailers on the scene, it’s safer and easier than ever to explore the erogenous zone you might have long ignored.

Disregard everything you’ve ever heard about how much anal play hurts. It should never, ever be painful! This is truly a case where slow and steady wins the race to orgasm. But, before you get started, make sure you have a few supplies on hand, including:

Thick lubricant.

Depending upon your material preference, you’ll want a silicone, water, or oil-based lube. If you’re just exploring with fingers, any of these will work fine. You want to use a silicone toy, choose water or oil based lube. If you’re going to try to have penetrative anal sex with a condom on, go for water or silicone based lube. For a great multi-purpose lube that’s awesome for both anal and vaginal play with any material, my favorite is Sliquid Sassy water-based gel.

Something to put in your bum.

Whatever you choose, it absolutely must have a flared based. Never, ever put a vibrating bullet or anything on a string up your butt. That is going to end with a trip to the ER, which is both expensive and potentially embarrassing. Silicone, glass, and metal plugs are the best choices because they can be 100% sanitized. An awesome and affordable beginners silicone plug is the Mood: Naughty Medium by Doc Johnson (don’t let the name fool you – it’s small, I promise!). Tantus also has a phenomenal selection of silicone plugs in a variety of sizes and shapes, and Crystal Delights is the go-to for stunning glass plugs. Not interested in toys? Clean fingers will work just fine. If you want to add a barrier, pick up some latex or non-latex disposable gloves, like the kind you’d see at a doctor’s office.

anal sex

The right state of mind

Relax! If you’re tense, your muscles will clench, and you’ll have a hard time comfortably exploring the sensation. If you’re not relaxed or you can’t relax, try it another time, or start with another kind of play that you know you really enjoy. Don’t pressure yourself or anyone else.

Got everything? Excellent. The best time to try anal play is after a bowel movement, and if you’re a little squeamish, after (or in!) a shower.

Anal Play

If you’re a newbie to anal play, your anus isn’t going to be used to being stimulated or having anything put into it. This is why you may have heard that anal sex hurts. If you go too fast or try with something too large, it’s not going to be comfortable, because the sphincter muscle isn’t used to stretching to accommodate yet. If your end goal is to have penetrative anal sex with a partner, that is not going to be your first step. Start with a finger or a small plug, and work slowly. Pain is your body’s way of telling you to stop, so numbing gels and creams can be very dangerous.
Just breathe, relax, and enjoy the sensation.

Top Tips and Facts for Anal Sex

Theres no doubt that the prevalence of anal sex among heterosexual couples is rising. In 1992, a study of men and women in the United States revealed that 26% of mean and 20% of women reported ever having had heterosexual anal sex. By 2005, those numbers were 40% and 35% respectively. Thinking about trying anal sex (or enjoying more of it)?! Here’s a few things you should know before you get down to it.

The anus and the perineum are both extremely rich in nerve endings regardless of your sex or gender.

Whether you’re on the giving or receiving end

Enjoying anal sex doesn’t make you gay (as one of our favourite bloggers Redhead Bedhead notes, if that were true, it would mean that “eating tacos would automatically make you Mexican” – when you look at it that way, it just doesn’t make sense!) If you enjoy anal sex it just means that you enjoy the pleasure of stimulating all of those wonderful nerve endings located in that part of your body.

You should never insert anything without a flared base or a safe retrieval ring into your bum

People end up in the ER all the time with things lodged in their rectums. Stick to items that are specifically made for anal play by companies that are worthy of your trust. I recommend Tantus or BS Atelier for silicone plugs.

The anus shares a wall with the prostate and the G-spot

This means that anal sex or stimulation can simultaneously stimulate the nerve endings in the anus itself and the P- or G-spot.

Oil-based lubricants

They get a bad rap because they’re not safe with latex condoms, but they are perfect for anal play. If you want to use toys, oil-based lubes are safe with silicone, glass, ABS plastic, and surgical steel. Want to have anal sex using condoms, but still want the benefits of oil-based lube? Choose a polyurethane condom like Trojan Supra.

Start small, then go big

It’s important to get your bum used to penetration if you’re not already. Start with a finger or a small plug, and work your way up slowly.

Never use a toy in the vagina that’s been in yours or your partner’s anus

You can go from vagina to anus, but never from anus to vagina

Don’t use numbing sprays, creams, or lubricants

If you can’t feel pain, you won’t know when to stop. Plus, you won’t get any of the pleasure that’s you’re meant to. Listen to your body and put away the Anal-Eaze.

When you’re inserting a plug

It may seem logical to lie on your back. It can actually sometimes be easier if you lie on your side, and ask a partner for help.

If you want to try analingus (oral sex on the anus)

Myths about Anal Sex

The idea of anal sex is really polarizing for many people. There’s some people who see it as a great sexual experience and others who find it completely unappealing (and all kinds of variations in between!) Like vaginal sex or giving your partner a blow-job, anal sex is just another opportunity to experience pleasure and connect with your partner. However, there’s a lot of mystique and taboos surrounding anal sex. We’re here today to set the record straight. If you’re curious about anal sex (or want to have more of it!) here are 7 common myths that are holding you back:

It’s OK to “surprise” your partner with anal sex

Like many things in life, there are good surprises and bad surprises. I think that I speak for many people when I say that suddenly finding a penis in your anal cavity is not a good surprise. Attempting to have anal sex (or any kind of sexual contact) with your partner without their consent is not OK. Yes guys, it may seem easier to just make your way down to anal-land and just hope the woman doesn’t notice, however trust us, we do. Big time. I can’t count how many times I’ve been in bed with a guy and I’ve had to guide his penis back towards my vagina because it was inching it’s way toward the back door.

Wrong Hole?

Guys, we know what you’re trying to do and we’re not fooled by your flimsy, “Oh sorry, wrong hole” excuses. It’s a douchey move & we’re on to you. The truth is, many people consider anal sex to be a very intimate sexual act, which means you should always talk to your partner beforehand and get their consent before you attempt it. If you can’t have an honest, open conversation about anal sex, you shouldn’t be having anal sex. Period.

Everyone wants to have anal sex. 

Although porn would lead us to believe that all women are just dying to have anal sex, it’s simply not true. Some women love it. Some find it uncomfortable. Others simply don’t even want to go there. It’s your responsibility to talk to your partner first and respect their personal boundaries. Pushing the subject or trying to “convince” your partner that they should have anal sex will likely get you cock blocked for good. Because of the intimacy involved in anal sex; your partner may enjoy it but might not be interested in doing it with someone they are dating casually – i.e. you. This is why it’s important that you talk to your partner beforehand. Don’t be offended or take it personally if they say no.

You think anal sex is the best way to spice up your sex life

Once again, although porn would lead us to believe otherwise, not every guy likes anal sex either. If anal sex doesn’t appeal to you, that’s totally OK and normal. There’s no denying that anal sex is having it’s heyday as more heterosexual couples embrace it, however it’s not the only way to spice up your sex life. There are so, so, so many options when it comes to what you can experience sexually, anal sex is just one of them. Don’t force the subject if it doesn’t feel right. Liking or not liking anal doesn’t make you any more or less of a man. 

Anal sex is painful. 

The truth about anal sex is that it can be uncomfortable but doesn’t have to be. Just like vaginal sex doesn’t have to hurt and be uncomfortable, neither does anal sex. You just need to make sure that you go slow and use lots of lube. I cannot emphasize the importance of lube enough – in this case, wetter is definitely better and safer. Because anal sex is new for most people, going slow will help you both get used to the sensation. However, if it does start to hurt or feel uncomfortable – stop. 

Straight men don’t like being on the receiving end of anal sex.

WRONG! A lot of men enjoy “pegging” – when a woman ties on a strap-on dildo and penetrates her partner anally. If you’re a guy who is enjoys pegging that’s totally OK. It doesn’t mean you’re gay, it just means that you enjoy having your prostate stimulated in this way. And yes, I’ve heard from some reliable sources that feels pretty fan-fucking-tastic. Just saying. The message here: keep an open mind when it comes to anal sex.

Anal sex is something that good girls don’t do

There is definitely a taboo about anal sex, but that’s starting to erode as people get more used to the idea. As I mentioned above, if exploring anal sex is something that interests you, there’s nothing wrong with that. If you like it and it feels good, why not enjoy it? Liking it or not liking it doesn’t make you “good” or “bad.”

Anal sex is going to mess up your body. 

Any sex that you don’t do correctly is going to cause you damage. This is why taking it slow and using lots of lube is so very important. tips for anal sex before you proceed will keep the experience safe & pleasurable.