Sex is great in itself. Sex can be even better when you’re being a bit sneaky about it. What about sex where you can get caught easily? Let’s talk about places to have sex in public.
My first tip is to wear clothes that don’t have to come off. Skirts and dresses, maybe even skip the panties if you’re feeling extra risque. Guys, just be easily accessible.
Position-wise, standing is always a good quickie option. Indoors or outdoors, you can get it done fast and if you’re about to get caught, you can easily get untangled and straighten out those clothes. No biggie!
Get it on outside. Picture this – a beach, waves crashing, the smell of the salt water. Sex on the beach isn’t just the name of a drink, it was named after something! It’ll be sexy, just watch out for sand in awkward places.
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Make out in the backseat like your teenagers again, but this time you have an agenda. It may be a tight squeeze and you’ll probably learn some new and interesting positions while fogging up those windows. There’s a chance someone might get a peek through a window and that could just make the situation even hotter.
Sneak off during a party and find a quiet corner or empty room. No one has to know what you’re doing unless you want them to. The noises around you from the other party goers and the change of getting walked in on causes a sense of urgency that will take your sexcapades to the next level.
Go check out a movie, but just check out each other instead. There’s nothing wrong with a little groping session in the back row. You could even catch a matinee during the week – chances are the theater will be even more empty then, but keep an eye out for those ushers!
Best and Worst Places To Have Sex
When your hormones are about to explode, the location where you have sex is irrelevant – all you need is spot to go at it. Although as we all know, some locations are better than others. Over the years you begin to formulate your own opinions of the most notorious scenes of sex. Some live up to the hype while others remain elevated for mythical reasons. So to keep it real, I’ve stripped away the fluff and fundamentally broke down the most overrated and underrated locations to get your freak on.
Sure, the movies always make this scene seem like it’s the best place in the world to have sex – wrong. There are awkward angles, issues with the size of the shower and the thought at any moment you could slip and smack your head on the side of the tub. Oh, and forget about going south on each other – it’s like trying to take deep breaths under a waterfall.
Underrated: Front Seat of a Car
The front seat never gets any love. No doubt, there’s less room up front to maneuver around, but let’s stop looking at the negatives and focus on the positives. First off, you have all the controls of the car with in arms reach. You want to mix up the dry humping music? Reach behind and change the station. Need some more air? Put down all the windows and let that fresh breeze roll in. And if you really need to breathe, just open the sunroof and stick your head out while doing the deed. Imagine the story a passerby will be able to tell their friends as they see you prairie doggin your head out the top.
Overrated: Hot Tub
Always seems like a good idea until your five minutes in. You got the temperature of the water rising up making you sweat more than Patrick Ewing at the free throw line. If that isn’t bothersome enough, there’s the water splashing up hitting you in the face and eyes – stinging the shit out of your cornea. When it’s all said and done, you feel like you’re on fire while your hands look like shriveled old prunes. Add in the fact you’re so light headed from the chlorine that you can barely breathe and feel like you could pass out at any moment – other than that it’s a good time.
I don’t think the chair gets enough love. Guys lets face it, going with the chair is a veteran move for us to take a break. We don’t run on batteries ladies – would be nice if your drove the car for while so we can recharge. And for guys, the chair always seems to come with phenomenal views to boot. Win, win situation if you ask me.
No doubt this is the most romantic sex location on the list, but the issues aren’t with the setting – it’s with the sand. Don’t get me wrong, sex on the beach can be out of this world, but how many of us are actually prepared for it? Seems to always happen on a towel or a blanket that’s way too small and before you know it you got sand on the blanket, which then leads to sand on your piping plover. Once that happens, it’s game over.
Underrated: King Size Bed
If you always have sex on a king side bed, color me jealous. Most of us are not fortunate enough to have a bed the size of Martha’s Vineyard to spread out on. When you have sex on a king size bed for the first time, you feel like Tony Montana in Scarface – the entire world is yours and you can do no wrong. The positions and space you have to work with feels limitless. Kind of like screwing on a trampoline – speaking of which…
Fortunately, most of us have gotten this experience out of the way in our earlier years. Much like an after school special gone wrong, trampoline sex is an injury waiting to happen. Usually starts off as the coolest idea you’ve ever had in high school and then quickly transitions into, “OMG I think you broke my dick off.”
Unsure: Exercise Ball
I know what you’re thinking, but don’t knock it till you try it. First off, it has similar benefits to a chair and versatile enough to work in some new/random positions. Only problem – there needs to be some serious balance and core strength from the both of you to pull it off. I’m not saying you need balance like that bro who walked the Grand Canyon on a tight rop. However, you’ll roll off that ball right quick if you’re not used to it – hence the jury is still out on this one.
Weird Places to Have Sex
Having sex in bed all the time can be so boring, right? It’s so private and comfortable and nobody can see you…where’s the fun in that? If you’re looking for some new and unusual places to have sex, we’ve got you covered.
1. In the snow. Brrrr!
2. In bed…while someone else is in it. This puts a new spin on “threesome.”
3. On a moving motorcycle.
4. In a church. Whether there is a service going on or not is up to you.
5. On your desk at work.
6. On the dance floor. Dirty dancing, anyone?
7. In a dressing room
8. Up against a huge window.
9. In a plane, train, or automobile
10.On top of the washing machine…spin cycle optional!
11. On a balcony
12. In the ocean
13. In a room with a mirror on the ceiling or the walls.
14. In your childhood bedroom
15. At a wedding…not yours, obviously
16. On a swing
17. In a movie theater
18. In a hammock
19. In the middle of an empty football fiel
20. On the hood of a car
21. In a crowded bar or club
22. In a tent
23. In an elevator
24. On the roof
25. In the middle of a dark golf course
26. On top of a cop car. Hopefully you’re not inside it…
27. On a trampoline