No matter how good you are between the sheets (or on top of them, or somewhere else…), every man and woman can learn how to pleasure their partner(s) more! We have created one of the best sex advice guide you will find, have a read and try some of these out:
10 Easy Ways To Improve Your Sex Life
Spring is in the air which means it’s the perfect time to kick your sex life up a notch! Here are 10 easy ways to improve your sex life that are guaranteed to add some oomph to your bedroom activities –
Although it would be awesome if everyone we slept with was a mind-reader, this is simply not possible. The easiest way to start having better sex is by telling your partner the truth about what you really want in bed. If you don’t say anything, how will they ever know?
2. Schedule some “me-time”
A Finnish study in the Journal of Sex Research found that self-esteem was a key ingredient to a happy, healthy sex life. Instead of focusing all of your energy on your partner, set aside time for self care and pampering. This also includes scheduling some sexy alone time to get to know your body and what feels good to you. Feeling sexy in your own skin and knowing what you like is going to give your sex life a boost.
3. Do Yoga
Getting regular exercise is a sure fire way to improve your sex life! Check out yoga postures which are designed to improve mindfulness, hip flexibility, and circulation—all key elements to a healthy sex life. Try them alone…or even better, with a partner!
4. Break out of your rut
If you find your lovemaking has become a bit routine, try something new. If you always have sex in the bedroom, try doing it on the kitchen floor or surprising your partner in the shower. Sometimes mixing things up is all you need to break out of a rut.
5. Go against your usual type
Variety is the spice of life. If you always date older, preppy guys, try going out with that younger attractive guy with the sexy arm tattoos that sent you an online dating message recently. When opposites attract, sometimes the results can be explosive (in the best way possible)
6. Make your bedroom an oasis
Not everyone can afford to jet off to a luxurious resort for a weekend getaway, but that doesn’t mean you can’t create a similar vibe in your own bedroom. Make your bedroom calm and relaxing by remove distracting clutter like bills, kids toys and electronics. Use nice sheets and make your bed everyday without question. If you need sexy bedroom design inspiration, check out Pinterest and start a board with your favourite ideas.
7. Stimulate your mind
The biggest sex organ we have is our brain. In a world where we can instantly access sexy content on the internet, we often forget that one of the sexiest things we can do is use our imagination. Instead of watching a video, pick up an erotic novel or collection of short stories. Sometimes picturing something in our head is way hotter than actually seeing it first hand.
8. Prioritize sexy time
Sex doesn’t always just happen – sometimes we have to make it happen. If you’re in a relationship and very busy (as most of us probably are), set aside alone time for you and your partner to connect. If you’re single, stay busy and make it a priority to go out on dates so you can actually meet people. A great sex life happens when you’re actually living life, not while you’re sitting on your couch marathoning Grey’s Anatomy episodes on Netflix.
9. Let go of negative messages
Many of us probably grew up with confusing and/or negative messages about sex and our bodies. For example, that it’s “dirty” and “not something nice girls do.” Now is the time to say goodbye to these negative messages. Write down all the negative ideas you have about sex and your body, and replace them with positive affirmations like, “I am sexy and beautiful” and “I am entitled to a healthy, happy sex life.”
10. Face your hang-ups
If you’re having a hard time letting go of the hang-ups or body image issues that are affecting your sex life, don’t be afraid to talk to someone about it. There are loads of qualified sexologists and counsellors who can help you work towards the awesome sex life you deserve!
Sex After a Divorce
Dating for the first time after divorce is daunting enough; sex post-split, on the other hand, can take one to a whole new level of anxiousness. After all, sex is the most intimate form of connection between two people. Having yourself emotionally and physically exposed to another is one of the highest forms of trust and surrender.
Divorce – no matter how much the society has become more acceptable of it – is traumatic and can leave incapacitating effects. Feeling of abandonment and failure can have a big impact on one’s self-esteem. Experts believe that a low self-esteem is a big factor in anxiety, including sexual anxiety. There are other numerous reasons as to why a newly divorced person is fearful of his first sexual encounter (from performance to body issues). The good news is that, you can take steps to calm your troubled nerves! Here are some tips to chase your anxiety away!
Remember the scout’s motto: Be prepared!
If you’re having trouble putting yourself out there because you lack the moves you once had or you have no new moves, then prepare yourself! The only way for you to lessen or eliminate sexual anxiety is by preparing and by being educated enough. How? Research, research, research! Buy a new book about sex, read articles, or dial a friend for help. Be as sexually curious as your teenager self.
Ask for compliments
This is a very simple thing to do but highly effective in easing one’s sexual anxiety. Text or email your closest friends and ask them to say three good things about you and believe them! In doing so, your self-esteem will surge thereby lessening your anxiety. You can go for five, but not ten; that will be narcissism. Sometimes, others can see better what’s best in us because we’re too harsh on ourselves. This is especially a good practice for newly divorced women. Women self-deprecate more.
Sex is like golf…it’s a mind game
For those scared of their sexual organs failing them come D-day, remember the words of Napoleon Hill: “What the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve”. He’s definitely right! Your body will follow whatever your mind tells it. Have you heard of the placebo effect? It’s one of the best examples of how powerful our minds are. It’s a fake treatment that improves a patient’s condition simply by believing that they will be cured. Think and believe that you are a 100% fail-proof love machine and you will be.
Think, but don’t overthink
Sure, I said sex is like a mind game, but that doesn’t mean that you should lose your mind over it! Do not overthink and don’t over analyze either. “Will she like it if I do a few Magic Mike moves first?” See, this is the kind of thing that will make you lose your mojo! Just ask yourself this basic but important question: Are you horny? If yes, then you’re good to go! Your body knows what it should do. Close your eyes and just follow your physiological rhythm.
What would Ted Stroehmann do?
Do you remember what Ben Stiller’s character did before he went out on a date with Cameron Diaz in There’s Something About Mary? His friend told him to masturbate right before the big date. What? Why? Masturbation relieves tension, anxiety and stress through the release of endorphins or the happy hormones. It creates a sense of well-being and satisfaction. And you think masturbation only helps with insomnia. Just make sure to check both your ears before you head out the door!
13 Songs To Have Sex To
Alright everyone, it’s time to confess. Who here has made a sexy playlist in hopes of getting it on?
You go back to your place “for a drink” and say you’ll be right back because you’re going to put on some music because you “just like the background noise”. The first song kicks in and your drinks are going back a little faster. During song two, you move a little closer. Song three has you making out and tearing off your clothes on the way to the bedroom.
In case you need a little inspiration for the weekend ahead, here’s a few songs to get your sexy playlist started:
Slave for You – Britney Spears
This song (and video!) is so hot. It makes you want to sweat in a very good way. Plus, the title can give you some fun ideas 😉
One in a Million – Aaliyah
If this song isn’t one of the sexiest songs ever I don’t know what is. It just makes you want to take off your clothes. The beat is hot and I’m sure the sex will be too!
Sexual Healing – Marvin Gaye
Now a list about sex songs just wouldn’t be complete without a little Marvin Gaye. And really? Who doesn’t want sexual healing? That’s the best kind of healing in my book.
What Goes Around…Comes Around – Justin Timberlake
Okay, now yes this song may be about betrayal and cheating and all of that. But. BUT. It’s just a sexy sounding song and think about Justin. Mmmm, Justin. This song proves it’s not always about the lyrics!
I’m Goin’ Down – Mary J. Blige
Sing it, girl! Again, the lyrics might not be the most appropriate, but I’ll be damned if it doesn’t give me chills every single time I hear it. And who doesn’t want to feel chills and shivers during sex?
Criminal – Fiona Apple
“I’ve been a bad bad girl”. Yes, yes, you have, Fiona and we love it. This songs gets you in the mood and those panties dropping.
Why don’t we do it in the Road? – The Beatles
Just thought of doing it in the round sounds incredible. A little bit risky and a whole lot fun. The Beatles hit it just right with this song.
Everything in its Right Place – Radiohead
This one is just perfect. Who cares what it means – it sounds amazing. It’ll totally keep the mood going. Thome York helps get it done.
Bump n’ Grind – R. Kelly
I don’t see nothing wrong with a little bump and grind – We don’t either R. Kelly. Some of your other sexual antics may be a little questionable, but some down and dirty bump and grinding is always great.
Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger- Daft Punk
Do I even have to say what this song spells out for sex? If you’ve got that marathon sex going, this will be the best song. I mean, it even tells you what you need to be doing – harder, better, faster, stronger!
Doin’ It – LL Cool J
Oh, the ladies do love Cool James. And with lyrics like “I wanna knock your block off, get my rocks off. Blow your socks off make sure your G spots soft” we can totally see why.
Pony – Ginuwine
Remember back in the day when you’d see this music video and Ginuwine abs? Yeah, that. “Girl when I break you off
I promise that you won’t want to get off”. Giddy up and ride it.
Let’s Get it On – Marvin Gaye
Do I even need to say it?
When To Have Sex
So, you’ve met a new guy or gal and you seem to really click. You’ve been on a few dates and you feel like this could really go somewhere. You’ve also engaged in a few heavy make out sessions and probably stayed at each other’s places a time or two. Needless to say, you feel like you want to take things to the next level (sexually speaking). But then you’re faced with the dilemma – is it too soon?
A lot of dating books, articles, and such give you a certain timeline for sex. Of course, those are the kind of books that give you a timeline for everything. I’ve read anywhere from one month to four months. And, I don’t know about you, but that just makes it more confusing.
And, let’s be honest here, timelines totally overcomplicate everything. It tends to be too hard to apply one to every single relationship out there. It also distracts you from what should be your focus – developing /exploring a connection with the person you are dating.
I mean, if you’ve known the person for three months, but have only been on a handful of dates how does the timeline fit in there? Or what if you’ve met only a few weeks ago, but have spent a lot of time together? Confusing and complicated.
So when should you have sex?
Honestly, the answer is pretty simple — have sex when you’re ready. Yes, I know that seems too simple and I know it brings out a million questions. But the honest truth is the best sex always comes when it happens naturally, without any planning. And you’ll know when you’re ready because that’s how it will all go down (no pun intended).
Remove The Pressure
Maybe that all sounds a little corny and cliché, but planning it all out based on some sort of timeline someone else gives you just causes all kinds of pressure and anxiety. And in a case where there is already plenty of pressure and anxiety why add more to it? All that really does is spoil all the fun.
The only reason you should really have sex is because you actually want to have it. Now, I am not saying that means you should have it anytime you want to have it. I am just saying that it shouldn’t be based on the number of dates you have been on. It shouldn’t be based on how many weeks, months, etc. you have known the person. It should be based on how you really feel – about the person, about the situation, about everything.
Have The Best Sex EVER
If you’re looking to revitalize your sex life in 2014 – or maybe just want to take things to the next level in the bedroom, there is no better time than now. In fact, we’ve come up with a list of sexy moves for you to try right away. Try one or two each month, or cross them all off in one session – the possibilities are endless!
– When done right, a little dirty talk can go a long way. There’s no need to go too far, a little “yes, harder”, “that feels amazing” “you’re so hard” or “damn, you feel good inside me” is really all you need to get things going. Just make sure you don’t get too clinical. No one wants to hear stuff like, “I want to insert my penis into your vagina.”
Ladies, take control
– Here’s a little secret: guys love it when you take control every now and then. There’s something very sexy about a woman who knows what she wants. However, you don’t have to bust out the whips and the chains (unless your guy is into that!) It could be something as simple as climbing on top and pinning his arms to the bed, while you go to work.
Initiate a new position
– If there is a new position that you’d like to try, take the reigns and introduce it to your guy/girl. It can be totally wild and creative or just a twist on an old favourite, either way, trying new things is a fun way to explore your sexuality and what gets you off.
Love your body, no matter what
– You know what’s sexy in bed? Confidence! We all have our flaws and insecurities. Make a conscious effort to love and accept your body just as it is. Feeling comfortable in your own skin and self love, are key components to a happy, healthy sex life.
Let him or her watch you
– There’s something very hot about watching someone you’re attracted to, pleasure themselves. It’s also a great way to show the person you’re with what turns you on.
– According to a recent survey, only 8% of Americans sleep naked- even though it’s incredibly sexy. Next time you have someone stay over (or if you just want to feel sexy on your own), for-go the pyjamas.
Try a new toy
– I know we’re always talking about how much fun toys are here on the No Strings blog, but seriously, if you haven’t tried a little something, something that vibrates, why not add it to your New Year’s to-do list?
Have sex with your shoes on
– Ok, so this one is more for the ladies, but have you ever had sex with a pair of heels on? It’s hot (and your partner is likely to think so too!) Take things up notch and leave your thigh highs on too.
Surprise your partner
– Initiate sex right when they walk in the door with a passionate make-out session (just make sure you get their consent that what you’re doing is OK!)
Share one of your biggest fantasies
– You know what’s almost as hot as fantasies themselves? Sharing them! This year we challenge you to share one of your favourite, unfulfilled fantasies with someone. If you can fulfill it together – even better.
15 Things They Should Teach You in Sex Ed
Most of us probably remember learning about the birds and the bees in school. However, there’s only so much you can learn about sex in a classroom. The majority of sexual education takes place in “the field”, through actual personal experience. Here’s a few things that most people only learn by doing the deed:
1. Missionary isn’t the only position.
Although I never would have guessed this based on my first few sexual encounters as a young adult, there are tons of different positions to try. If one doesn’t do it for you – try another. Eventually you’ll find something that works amazing for you & your partner. In the meantime, have fun exploring!
2. Whatever you’re into is OK.
We all have our individual sexual tastes. Maybe you like the idea of being tied up, are into both genders or enjoy wearing a Wookie costume while you do it (or all of the above!) – as long as it involves consenting adults, it’s OK.
3. Just because you’re into it, doesn’t mean your partner will be.
So, you like dressing up as a cop and handcuffing your partner to the bed. Great! However, just because you like something in bed doesn’t necessarily mean the person you’re with will. Communicate openly with the people you sleep with and respect their boundaries.
4. People will say almost anything to get out of wearing a condom.
Don’t fall for it! I’ve heard all of the excuses known to man: “they don’t fit me properly” or “I’ll feel closer to you without one” – all of them are rubbish.There’s never a good excuse not to wear a condom – especially when you’re dating casually! Real men wrap it up 🙂
5. If you don’t feel comfortable, speak up!
If something makes you uncomfortable, is painful or just isn’t doing it for you – say something! Your partner isn’t going to know how to please you if you don’t communicate about what does and doesn’t feel good.
6. Sex is only dirty…. if it’s done right!
There’s nothing bad or shameful about having sex or exploring our bodies. Humans are sexual creatures – embrace it.
7. Surprises happen.
Unexpected sounds, fluids, periods, body farts – the list goes on. All sorts of things can happen when two people get naked together. However, just because these things happen doesn’t mean you have to let them ruin your night or your relationship. Deal with it the most mature way possible: by being understanding and if possible, laughing it off.
8. Water sports.
If someone asks you if you’re into “water sports” most likely they are not inquiring about that time you were on the Varsity swim team.
9. Sex isn’t always between just two people.
Some people have more fun in threes, fours, or more! There’s nothing wrong with making sex a group activity as long as you trust the people you’re with and play safe.
10. You don’t have to be in a relationship to have sex.
Sex and relationships aren’t mutually exclusive. If casual encounters or a “friends with benefits” relationship works better for you, there’s nothing wrong with that as long as you trust and respect the people you’re getting sexy with.
11. Sometimes casual sex can lead to feelings.
Some people have a hard time being intimate with someone without developing an emotional attachment to them. Be mindful of this and always treat the people you date casually with respect.
12. You don’t have to physically have sex to have a sexual experience.
There are so many sexy things you can do without penetration. Phone sex, dirty text message marathons, skype sex, mutual masturbation, oral sex…and the list goes on!
13. Boob sex. It happens.
While we’re on the topic on non-penetrative sex, hand-jobs and blow-jobs aren’t your only options. Some guys really love some good boob sex. Grab some lube and have fun seeing what other parts of your body can get him off.
14. Porn can enhance a sexual experience but it shouldn’t be used as a “how-to” guide.
Watching a dirty movie together can definitely be sexy and get things going in the bedroom, however just keep in mind that porn is essentially not real. Not every woman wants a man to pound away on her like a jackrabbit on meth nor, should she feel compelled to make sounds like this is what’s happening. In other words, tune in to what your partner is into and be yourself.
15. Thou shall not “dick slap” your partner.
Unless they ask you to. Being hit in the face by an erect penis moving at 15 miles an hour hurts and may cause bruising. Also this isn’t the kind of thing that anyone wants to have to explain at the office the next day.
Things Not To Do When You’re Having Sex With Someone For the First Time
Hooking up with someone for the first time is equal parts exciting and awkward. You want to impress your partner with your skills, yet not freak them out at the same time by pushing the boundaries too far, too soon. This isn’t the time to bust out every dildo in your drawer and share your secret Fifty Shades of Grey fantasy. To prevent your first time together from being your last, here are 7 things NOT to do when you’re having sex with someone for the first time.
1. Don’t assume.
Guys, if a girl is going down on you don’t assume it’s A-OK if you finish in her mouth, especially if this is the first time she’s done it. Sure, asking her might not be the sexiest thing in the world, and you might be so excited in the moment that you forget, but asking before you finish shows that you respect her. Not to mention you’ll be a lot less likely to totally piss her off, which is always a good thing if you’d like her to ever do it again.
2. Don’t get too emotional.
The first time you have sex, it’s just sex. Not “making love”, so relax with all that. Having sex doesn’t mean that you’re automatically in a relationship, or that you should start moving your things into his house. It’s one thing to cuddle, it’s another to totally mistake physical intimacy for love.
3. Don’t put on a show.
There is no need to moan and scream loudly like you’re in a sex scene of a d-list, straight to DVD movie. If you’re feeling good, definitely let your partner know, but otherwise leave the theatrics to the professionals.
4. Don’t fake an orgasm.
If you fake it from the beginning, your partner will never learn how to make it really happen for you. You’re only hurting yourself here!
5. Don’t try something new.
The first time you have sex with someone is, by definition, NEW. Everything is new! New body, new movements, new energy. There is no need to up the ante even further by adding in things you’ve never tried before, like anal sex or a sex swing. Wait until you’re comfortable with each other and then together decide what else to bring into your bedroom.
6. Don’t take risks with your health.
7. Don’t think this is as good as it’s going to get.
First time sex is notoriously awful. No matter how experienced you are, when you’re with someone new you’ve got to start from scratch. When you throw first time jitters into the mix, it’s a recipe for disaster, or at least sub-par sex. If the first time is underwhelming don’t give up! Just think, now there is only room for improvement, and you know what they say-practice makes perfect!
Sleeping with Multiple People
If you’re active in the casual dating scene, it’s likely that you’re not just dating or hooking up with only one person at a time. After all, one of the benefits of casual dating is that it allows you to interact with a variety of people, without committing to a relationship. Because of this, there’s a good chance that it’s you’ll be sleeping with multiple partners at the same time or that your casual relationships will overlap. To keep your dating life as ethical and drama free as possible, here are a few things to keep in mind when having casual sex –
DO Date multiple people
If you were looking to date one person long-term, it’s likely you wouldn’t be on a casual dating site. Take advantage of this opportunity to meet as many people as possible. Just make sure you practice safe sex at all times.
DON’T feel guilty.
If you’re being honest about your actions and not acting shady or hurting anyone, there is no shame in exploring casual sex.
DO respect the people you date.
You may just be dating casually or engaged in a physical relationship but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t treat them respectfully.
DON’T develop feelings.
If you’ve agreed to “keep things casual” – KEEP THINGS CASUAL. At the same time, should you develop feelings for the person you’re dating casually, at least have the courage to own those feelings. Denying that you don’t feel anything for the person you’re sleeping with is only going to hurt you in the long run. If you find yourself always catching feelings for the people you’re dating casually, perhaps it’s time to reexamine your dating strategy. Maybe casual sex isn’t for you – and you know what? That’s totally OK.
DO be honest.
If your date asks you whether you’re seeing other people, don’t like and say you aren’t. Be honest. Some people will be OK with the situation, other people won’t. However, by being upfront you’ve at least provided your partner with opportunity to make that decision for themselves.
DON’T Kiss and tell.
There’s a fine line between honesty and TMI. If the person you’re dating is aware that you’re dating other people they don’t need to know how hot the sex is or see physical reminders that someone else has been in your bedroom. Change your sheets, throw away those condom wrappers and stash those stray undergarments that don’t belong to you. In other words, DON’T BE GROSS.
In world of casual dating, discretion and respect go a long way. Don’t overbook your dates and don’t take your dates to the places where you’ll likely run into other people you’re dating. Even if your date is cool with you hanging out with other people, theres no need to rub it in their faces.
DO use Condoms ALL. THE. TIME.
Seriously, there is no excuse not to practice safe sex – especially when you’re dating more than one person. You’ve all heard the grim statistics, and if you haven’t you should probably do some research on STDs and why protecting yourself and your partners is so important. Whether you’re male or female, always make sure you bring condoms with you on your dates. No amount of pleasure is worth risking your health or life for.
DON’T assume that you’re the only one.
If you’re dating multiple people, assume the people you’re dating are also dating other people too. This is just the nature of casual dating. Also keep in mind that if they are dating multiple people and you’re not, they’re not going to suddenly stop dating other people and choose only you…or maybe they will, however don’t bank on it. By always keeping this in mind and setting your expectations appropriately, you’re less likely to get hurt.
Good Sex Begins Outside Of The Bedroom
When it comes to making good sex into great sex, many people fall short. Sure, it might be good but is that really good enough? Casual dating should be much better than good, and the key to having the kind of sex you’ll never forget is to remember one thing, and that is that great sex begins way before you get under the covers. Yes, we are talking about the powers of seduction.
When you master the art of turning someone on from the get go, you’ll soon realize that amazing, mind blowing sex is all about build up and establishing a connection.
Think about the last time you met someone who you were immediately sexually attracted to. What did you do? Flirt a bit, initiate a conversation or contact? When you parted ways, it’s probably safe to say that you couldn’t wait to see them again, and probably couldn’t stop thinking about them. This is the kind of approach you want to take for great sex. The more you tease, the more you get the other person excited to be with you, the greater the pay off will be, and nobody ever complains about that.
Practise Good Sex!
Putting it into practice, if you have a casual date scheduled for Friday night with someone you really like and want the sex to incredible, start getting excited early. Shoot off a flirty text message to confirm your plans, or invite your date to dinner before you hit the sheets. Sure, you’ll both want to get to the main event, but the longer you wait, the better it will be. Connecting with your partner outside of the bedroom heightens your physical connection as well. When you take the time to genuinely get to know someone even when they are fully clothed, you begin to feel comfortable with each other and develop a level of trust that otherwise would be absent. When you feel comfortable with someone, you’re more likely to let your walls down, be free and take risks…which translates into some pretty incredible sex.
Don’t be so focused on the main event that you skip over the fun parts. You might think that since you’re just casually dating that you shouldn’t need to invest any time or have no desire to build any kind of connection with the person you’re sleeping with, and you’re right-you don’t. However, if you want to take your sex skills to the next level and get the most out of the experience, you should.
Sex Etiquette for Roommates
So, you’ve got a roommate (or two. Or more). And you’ve got some sex. How does one master the art of roommate sex etiquette? I have some ideas. (And no, I’m not referring to having sex with your roommates. I think that’s a bad idea, but that’s a whole other article.) Here are my tips to ensure non-awkward, sexy times.
If you’re vocal, put some music on in the background.
Or a TV show. Or something, anything. There’s nothing more awkward than a silent apartment punctuated by the sounds of your roommate getting it on. If you know you’re going to be doing it, put on some music, or any kind of background noise. It’s the polite thing to do.
Give your roommate a head’s up.
If possible, let your roomie know you’re bringing someone over, to avoid any awkward, “Who the hell is this guy in my hallway?” moments. I’m not saying you have to put a sock or tie on your doorknob, but it’s always nice to let your roomie know when you’re having guests.
Be mindful of the time.
If it’s super late, try to keep the noise to a minimum, and I don’t mean just sex noises. I mean from entering the apartment to making the “hooray-we’re-gonna-do-it-shuffle” down to the bedroom. No one wants to be woken up at 3 AM when they have work tomorrow morning just because you’re getting some.
Do not bother your roommate.
Unless something is on fire, do not knock on their door, text them, or try to contact them in any way. It’s got to be really urgent in order to justify you ruining their sexy times. If they’re loud, wear earplugs and talk to them about it in the morning. Just don’t bother them, and ESPECIALLY do not barge in. You’d think most people would know that. You’d be surprised.
Embrace the awkwardness.
Don’t make your roommate feel too badly if you hear a sex noise every now and then. Living together comes with its share of challenges, and it’s totally okay to have sex, so just embrace the whole awkwardness of the situation.
Don’t pester your roommate for details.
Maybe you’re the kind of person who thrives on some good gossip and/or you’re friends with your roomie and want all the deets. But don’t pester them for details. They may not feel like talking about it. And certainly don’t ask the night (or afternoon, hey, it happens) of. Wait until the next day, and see if they feel like sharing. If they don’t, don’t feel bad or take it personally.
Vacation Sex – Stay Home and Have Sex
If you’re like me, you’re damn broke but don’t want to let that get in the way of a good vacation. And what’s one of the best things about vacation? That’s right: vacation sex. Vacation sex can feel like great role play — you’re both still you, but you’re on vacation, and it’s like everything is shimmery and new and oh-so-refreshing.
So what to do if you’re broke like me? You have vacation sex at home. Here’s how.
Make your bedroom seem more like a hotel room.
Clean your room, make your bed, and put away any photos and clutter. (I’ve found that weirdly I’m in a much sexier state of mind when my room is clutter-free and organized, anyone else?) You want to make it seem like a blank slate, much like a hotel room. Dim the lights. Put your laptop away. Which brings me to…
Shun all work.
It’s time to close and put away your laptops AND phones. You’re on a mental vacation here, and this is no time to check emails or update Twitter. This is you time (“you” meaning you as a couple). There’s nothing that takes you out of a vacation mindset like checking Facebook “real quick.” NO. RESIST.
Make your own tropical drinks.
I mean, why not? You can create your very own fruity tropical drinks right at home. I found a recipe for a simple shaken Piña colada that you can make, from AboutFood:
Listen to some sweet island tunes.
Break out the Jimmy Buffett and Harry Belafonte, it’s time to party. You want to aim for fun, silly songs that don’t necessarily get you in the sex mood, but get you into the vacation mood. For the sex mood, you can listen to some good old fashioned Tiki music, like the kind of music you hear in the background in Mad Men. Try some Les Baxter, Arthur Lyman, and Martin Denny for that.
Try new things in bed.
If you try new things in bed, you might like them! Plus, you’re on vacation here; this is the time to be a little adventurous. If you don’t like the new sexy things, you can always say, “Hey, I don’t like these new sexy things, let’s stop.” And problem solved. But you won’t know until you give it the ole college try.
Vaginas 101: How Much Do You Know?
Think all vaginas look the same? Think again. Furthermore, consider your vocab! The vagina is technically the internal muscular structure. From the outside in (for a cisgender woman), it goes: Labia majora, labia minora, vaginal opening and clitoris, vagina, cervix, uterus.
Colloquially, lots of people use the word vagina to refer to the vulva. When you think about how much the vulva has to do with pleasure (it houses the glans of the clitoris, after all), it seems downright unfair that we don’t call it by its proper name.
TV Show Educates Us
If you’ve been watching Orange is the New Black, you might have seen the season two episode where (don’t worry, no plot points will be spoiled here!) Laverne Cox’s character Sophia gives the ladies of Litchfield a lesson on their anatomy. It. Was. Amazing.
The impetus for this awesome performance was an argument among the inmates about “which hole you pee out of.” Many of the women thought that urine came out of “the only hole – the vagina hole!” A few knew that the urethra is actually the hole responsible for urine depletion, but many had never seen their own vulvas up close and personal before. One of the more major supporting characters takes a hand mirror into a bathroom stall, and we hear, “There are two holes! It’s kinda cute.”
Self Help, actually Helps!
Cute, indeed. And powerful, too. Masturbation is great for your health, as it turns out, and women who engage in regular self-love report higher levels of self-esteem. If you’ve never had a look before, I suggest you go grab a mirror and set aside some time to get to know your vulva.
What you’re likely to notice first are your labia. Some outer labia (labia majora) are thick, long, or hang down a bit. Some are small, thin, or barely even present. Both of these, and everything in between, is totally normal. Inner labia vary much the same way. Different colors are normal, too! Some people have brown labia, some pink, some red, some the same color as the rest of their skin.
Your clitoris may be fully exposed, fully hooded, or partially exposed. All of these are normal too. Some clitorises are bigger or smaller than others. Furthermore, the clitoris is actually shaped like a wishbone. The part that you see is called the glans (like the head of a penis) and is usually responsible for clitoral orgasms. It’s very sensitive, of course.
Below your clitoris is your urethra, the tube structure from which urine flows. You may have been told before to always pee after having penis-in-vagina penetrative sex. If you don’t know why, it’s because frequently, bacteria and lubrication can get up inside the urethra during sex. Peeing immediately afterward will help dislodge the bacteria, preventing a UTI.
And finally, below the urethra is the entrance to the vaginal canal. On the front wall, i.e.: the same side as your belly button, is the G-spot, a spongy cluster of sensitive nerves responsible for sexual pleasure. When your G-spot is stimulated, you may feel like you have to pee because the G-spot shares a wall with the urethra.