BHM dating: big handsome men and their admirers
By Lottie Williams, Head of Content
Updated
Big men get fancied, whatever the adverts suggest. BHM, short for big handsome men, is about finding the people who already know that.
For big handsome men
Plenty of big men undersell themselves, hide behind group photos or pick the one picture where they are standing behind a table. Do not. A clear, recent photo where you look relaxed tells admirers exactly what they hoped to find.
Say what you are up for, add your height if you like, and describe yourself the way you would to a friend: big, broad, stocky, cuddly, a proper unit. Whatever is true.
Bears, cubs and the rest of the tribe
For gay and bi men, bear culture has celebrated bigger, hairier bodies for decades. "Your tribe" includes Bear, Cub, Daddy, Otter, Wolf and Muscle, and "Body hair" runs from Smooth to Hairy, so you can say exactly where you fit. Our gay dating page covers the rest.
Women who fancy big men are just as welcome, and the same advice holds: say it in your profile line, in your own words, and the right people will find it.
For admirers
If big men are your type, say so warmly, and then talk to him about something other than his size. Ask what he is up for, mention something you share, and let the attraction be obvious without making it the only topic.
Tick "Curvy / BBW appreciation" in the optional Kink and fantasy section if you like, or simply say "I like a bigger man" in your own words. Plain and kind always works.
Confidence, not apology
There is no need to warn anyone about your size, or to make the joke before they can. People who are not into it will pass, politely, and people who are will be glad you did not hide. That is the whole point of saying it up front.
How it works on No Strings Dating
There is no body type box to tick, and we think that is no bad thing. Describe yourself in your own words in your line about you, and let a recent, honest photo do the rest. Big, curvy, cuddly, thick, plus-size: use the word you like, not the one someone else picked for you.
Your intention tags say what you are up for and what you are not, and they sit at the top of your profile. If curves are what you are drawn to, the optional Kink and fantasy section includes "Curvy / BBW appreciation". It only shows on your full profile, never on the cards people browse.
Every member passes a selfie age check before anyone can see them, and every photo is checked by a person before it goes live.
Meeting safely, and on your terms
Chat on the site first, meet somewhere public, and use Safety check-in to tell a friend where you will be. Close any chat that does not feel right: one tap, no explanations needed.
- Someone who only wants to meet in secret, never in a café or a bar, is telling you something.
- Someone who comments on your body before they have asked your name has not read your profile.
- Anyone who asks for money, gifts or photos before you have met is someone to report.
A preference, not a punchline
Fancying bigger bodies is a preference, like fancying tall people or redheads. It is not a joke, a dare or a dirty secret, and nobody here is anyone's punchline. Mockery, "bet" messages and comments about someone's weight break our rules on harassment, and a person reads every report.
No Strings Dating is for adults meeting because they both want to. Advertising sexual services, or asking anyone to pay for time or attention, breaks our rules too.
Quick answers
What does BHM mean?
Big handsome man. It is the counterpart to BBW, used by bigger men and the people who fancy them.
Is there a bear option?
Yes. "Your tribe" includes Bear, Cub, Daddy, Otter, Wolf and Muscle, and you can tick more than one.
Do women look for big men?
Some women prefer bigger men, and some say so on their profiles. Read profiles and look for the ones that mention it.
How do I show I like big men?
Say it in your own words on your profile, or tick "Curvy / BBW appreciation" in the optional Kink and fantasy section.
No strings dating near you
Popular cities