Trans dating: respectful casual dating for everyone
By Lottie Williams, Head of Content
Updated
Trans and non-binary people want what everyone else here wants: honest casual dating with people who see them as they are. And people who want to date them deserve a clear guide to getting it right.
Join as who you are
When you join, you choose man or woman, because that is how matching works across our network. A trans woman joins as a woman and a trans man joins as a man. If you are non-binary and neither word fits, choose the one you are most comfortable being shown as, then tick Non-binary under "Also identify as" and say the rest in your own words.
"Your tribe" includes Trans. Tick it if you want people to know up front, or keep it for chat. When and how you tell someone is your call, nobody else's.
For trans and non-binary members
Saying it on your profile can save time and filter out the wrong people early; chatting first suits others. Either way, the people worth meeting will take you as you describe yourself.
Take extra care with first meetings: chat on the site, meet somewhere public, and close any chat that turns into questions you did not invite.
Dating a trans person: getting it right
Most of this is simply good manners.
- Use the words they use: their name, their pronouns, and how they describe their own body. If you are unsure, ask once, kindly.
- Talk to them about them. Questions about surgery, hormones or what is in their underwear are not an opener.
- Be attracted to the person, not a category. If your interest begins and ends with a fantasy, people notice, and it is not flattering.
- Leave out labels from porn. They are not how anyone here describes themselves.
- Do not ask someone to be your secret. If you would not be seen with them in a café, think again.
How it works on No Strings Dating
When you join, you say "I'm a" man or woman, and whether you are into women, men or everyone. That decides who you see when you browse, so it is the one answer worth getting right first. You can change it later under "Who you're looking for".
After that, the detail is yours to add. "Also identify as" offers Bi-curious, Pansexual, Heteroflexible, Queer and Non-binary. "Your tribe" includes Bear, Cub, Otter, Wolf, Twink, Jock, Daddy, Pup, Leather, Muscle, Geek, Femme, Butch, Trans and Discreet / straight-acting. Position and Safer sex are there too, and they only ever show on your full profile, never on the cards people browse.
Every answer is optional. When you and someone else share one, it shows up as something you have in common, which makes the first message easy.
Safety: outing threats and sextortion
The risks LGBTQ+ people face online are not always the ones on the usual checklist. Two matter most: someone threatening to out you, and someone threatening to share intimate photos unless you pay. Both are blackmail, both break our rules, and neither is your fault.
If it happens: stop replying, do not pay, keep screenshots, then report and block. Paying rarely ends it; blackmailers usually come back for more. Keep chats on the site until you trust someone, share private photos only with people you have met, and use Safety check-in when you meet.
- United Kingdom: Galop, the LGBT+ anti-abuse charity, gives free, confidential support, including with blackmail, on 0800 999 5428. Adults facing sextortion can also get advice from the Revenge Porn Helpline. Call 999 in an emergency, or 101 to report to the police.
- Everywhere else: report to your local police, and look for a local LGBTQ+ support service. Our Safety Centre lists free help in every country we serve.
Describe yourself, not who you exclude
Say what you are into, as plainly as you like. What we ask is that you describe yourself and what you want, rather than listing the kinds of people you do not want. "Into bears and beards" invites the right people in; a list of groups you are against just puts everyone off. Harassment and hate break our rules, and a person reads every report.
No Strings Dating is for adults meeting because they both want to. Advertising sexual services, or asking anyone to pay for time, breaks our rules too.
Quick answers
Can trans people join No Strings Dating?
Yes. Trans members join as the gender they are, and can add Trans under "Your tribe" if they want people to know up front.
Is there a non-binary option?
Sign-up asks man or woman, because that is how matching works across our network. Choose the one you are most comfortable with, then tick Non-binary under "Also identify as".
Do I have to say I am trans on my profile?
No. Every answer is optional. Some members say it up front, others in chat. It is your choice.
How do I date a trans person respectfully?
Use their name and pronouns, talk to them about them rather than their body, and treat them as you would anyone you fancy.
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