Writing a BDSM dating profile that works
By Lottie Williams, Head of Content
Updated
A good kinky profile does two jobs at once: it tells the right people you are exactly what they are looking for, and it tells everyone else, politely, that you are not for them.
Say what you are into, not everything you have done
Lead with your role and two or three things you enjoy. "Dominant, into light bondage and role play, patient with people who are new" says more than a long list, and invites a reply.
Keep the detail for chat. It gives people something to ask about, and it keeps your profile something you would not mind a stranger reading.
Say what you are like, too
Kink is not a personality. A line about who you are outside the bedroom, what makes you laugh and what a good evening looks like, makes you a person rather than a list.
Photos
A clear, recent photo of your face does more than anything, and your main photo should always be one. Every photo is checked before it goes live, against our content policy. Suggestive is fine; the detail is for later, if both of you want it.
Mistakes that make people scroll past
Avoid these and you are already ahead.
- A list of demands, or of what you will not tolerate, in capital letters.
- Nothing but kink, with no hint of who you are.
- No photo, or a photo that is clearly not you.
- "Ask me" as the whole profile.
An example that works
Here is the shape of a profile line that gets good replies: "Switch, mostly submissive. Into light bondage and role play, and curious about more with the right person. Outside the bedroom I love live music and terrible films. Looking for someone patient and funny, regular rather than one-off."
It says the role, two interests, a hint of personality and what kind of arrangement they want, in four lines.
Use the profile fields
On No Strings Dating, the "What are you into?" answers, your role and your experience level do a lot of the work for you. They show on your profile and on the cards people browse, so you can keep your own words for the things that make you, you.
Update them as you go. If you have tried something new and loved it, add it; if something has stopped appealing, take it off.
Keeping it discreet
You choose what your profile shows. Many people keep their face in their main photo and the kink in their words, rather than the other way round. Payments appear under a neutral company name, and you can close any chat with one tap.
Reading other people's profiles
The same rules help you choose who to message. Look for profiles that say what someone enjoys and what they are like as a person, and that mention limits or taking things slowly. They are usually the people who will treat you well.
Be wary of profiles that are all demands and no personality, or that ask you to move off the site straight away.
Kink on No Strings Dating
No Strings Dating is kink friendly, not kink only. Your profile can say what you are into (BDSM, light bondage, role play, toys, fetish and more), your role (dominant, submissive or switch) and how experienced you are. A Kink and fantasy section goes further: your role in play, the dynamic you are after, the BDSM and fetishes you enjoy, and the clubs and events you go to. It only shows on your full profile, never on cards. Every answer is optional, and people who share them can find you.
It is a dating site, not a marketplace: offering or paying for sessions breaks our rules.
Quick answers
Should I put my kinks on my profile?
Your role and a couple of things you enjoy are enough. Keep the detail for chat.
What photos can I use?
A clear, recent photo of your face as your main photo, and others that follow our content policy. Every photo is checked before it goes live.
How long should my profile be?
Three or four lines is plenty: who you are, what you are into, and what you are looking for.
Should I say I am new to kink?
Yes. Set your experience to "new to this". It attracts people who enjoy taking things slowly, and puts off the ones you would not want anyway.
Can I hide my kinks from some people?
Every answer is optional. Many people put a little on their profile and share the rest in chat, once they know who they are talking to.
What should I avoid writing?
Demands, lists of what you will not tolerate, and anything you would not want a stranger to read. Keep it warm, specific and short.
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