BDSM-friendly hotels: how to choose and book one
By Lottie Williams, Head of Content
Updated
A night away takes the pressure off: neutral ground, no housemates and nobody to explain anything to. Here is how to choose a hotel that suits a kinky date, and how to be a guest they would welcome back.
Two kinds of hotel
Some hotels have themed suites built for it, with furniture and fittings designed for play. They are found in many big cities in the UK, the US and beyond, and they are clear about what they offer. Most others are simply discreet: a good room, a do-not-disturb sign and nobody asking questions.
For a first meeting, a discreet hotel is usually the better choice. Save the themed suite for when you know each other.
What to look for
A few things make a big difference.
- Reviews that mention privacy and discretion.
- Contactless or late check-in, so arrivals are easy.
- Good soundproofing, and a room away from the lift.
- A clear cancellation policy, in case plans change.
Booking and safety
Meet somewhere public first, even if the hotel is booked. Use Safety check-in to tell a friend where you will be. Book under your own name and keep your own way home. If anything feels wrong, leave; you owe nobody the rest of the evening.
Being a good guest
Bring what you need, keep the noise reasonable, and leave the room as you found it. Housekeeping will thank you, and so will everyone who books after you.
What to pack
Think about what you will actually use, not everything you own. Many people bring:
- Anything you have agreed to use, clean and in a discreet bag.
- Something to cover surfaces you would rather keep clean.
- Water and a snack for afterwards.
- Your phone charged, and a way home that does not depend on the other person.
- A change of clothes, and anything you need to feel comfortable in the morning.
Planning a night away together
Talk through the evening beforehand: when you will arrive, what you would like to happen, your limits and your safe word. Agree whether you will both stay the night, and that either of you can leave at any point without it being a big deal.
A hotel is a good place to try something new precisely because it is neutral ground. Nobody is on home territory, and nobody has to clear up afterwards.
Themed suites, in more detail
Themed suites usually describe exactly what is in the room, often with photos, and many are booked well ahead at weekends. Read the house rules before you book: some ask you to bring your own toys and covers, some include them, and almost all set rules about noise and cleaning.
If a suite is not for you, a good hotel with a large bed, a solid door and a do-not-disturb sign does most of the job.
Kink on No Strings Dating
No Strings Dating is kink friendly, not kink only. Your profile can say what you are into (BDSM, light bondage, role play, toys, fetish and more), your role (dominant, submissive or switch) and how experienced you are. A Kink and fantasy section goes further: your role in play, the dynamic you are after, the BDSM and fetishes you enjoy, and the clubs and events you go to. It only shows on your full profile, never on cards. Every answer is optional, and people who share them can find you.
It is a dating site, not a marketplace: offering or paying for sessions breaks our rules.
Quick answers
Are there hotels with BDSM rooms?
Yes. Many large cities have hotels with themed suites. Search for themed or fetish suites in the city you are visiting, and read recent reviews.
Should we meet at the hotel?
Meet somewhere public first, even if the room is booked. It is safer, and it takes the pressure off.
Is it OK to tell the hotel?
Themed hotels expect it. Elsewhere, you do not need to say anything; just be a considerate guest.
Can I bring toys to a hotel?
Yes. Pack them discreetly, keep the noise reasonable, and leave the room as you found it.
Is a hotel a good place for a first kinky date?
After a public first meeting, yes. Choose a discreet hotel, agree everything in advance, and keep your own way home.
Do themed hotel rooms need booking ahead?
Often, especially at weekends. Check the house rules when you book, as some include equipment and some ask you to bring your own.
Who should book the room?
Whoever is most comfortable doing it. Book under your own name, and make sure both of you can leave whenever you want.
What if the hotel complains about noise?
Apologise, keep it down, and be a considerate guest. Choosing a room away from the lift and other guests helps from the start.
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