One night stands: etiquette, safety and the morning after

What makes a good one night stand

Chemistry, honesty and respect, in roughly that order. You do not need to know someone well to have a great night with them. You do need to know you both want the same thing, that you will both look after each other, and that nobody will be hurt or surprised by how it ends.

It also helps to be realistic. First nights with someone new can be brilliant, a bit clumsy or somewhere in between, and that is all normal. Good humour, a bit of talking and no pressure to perform make a far better night than trying to live up to a film.

Say it is a one-off

The awkward morning usually starts with an unspoken assumption the night before. Say what you want up front: "I am after one fun night, not anything regular." On No Strings Dating the one-off hook-up tag says it for you, and you can browse people who have picked it too.

If you are open to more if it goes well, say that instead. And if you want something ongoing, our guide to friends with benefits is the better read.

Finding someone for tonight

Most one night stands happen at short notice, so timing matters as much as chemistry. Switch on Free tonight when you are around, and you can see who else nearby has done the same. Browse by distance and by the one-off hook-up tag, and you are only looking at people who are free and want the same thing.

Keep the chat short and practical: a quick opener on a tag you share, a bit of flirting, then a time and a place. Our page on how it works walks through each step, and the 24-hour pass was made for exactly this kind of evening.

Staying safe with someone new

Meet in public first, even briefly, and use Safety check-in or tell a friend where you will be. Decide where you are going next together: your place, theirs or a hotel. A hotel or neutral place keeps your address private, which matters more with someone you will not see again.

Keep your phone charged, know how you are getting home, and keep an eye on your drink. If anything feels wrong, leave. You never need a reason.

Consent, especially after a few drinks

One night stands often follow a few drinks, which is exactly when consent needs the most care. A yes has to come from someone with the capacity to give it. Someone who is very drunk, drifting off or struggling to stand cannot consent, whatever was said earlier in the evening. In England and Wales that is written into the law.

Check in as things happen, not just at the start. If anyone hesitates or goes quiet, stop and ask. It is not awkward; it is what decent people do.

Condoms and contraception

Condoms are the only thing that protects against both pregnancy and most sexually transmitted infections, so bring your own and use them every time. Agreeing to sex with a condom does not mean agreeing to sex without one. Removing a condom without agreement, sometimes called stealthing, can be prosecuted as rape in England and Wales.

Other contraception, such as the pill, protects against pregnancy but not infections. If you are not sure what the other person is using, assume nothing and use a condom.

If something goes wrong

If a condom splits or comes off, or you did not use one, do not wait to see what happens. Emergency contraception works best the sooner it is used. In the UK there are three options: a copper IUD fitted within five days, which is the most effective, and two types of morning after pill, one for up to three days and one for up to five. Free emergency contraception is available from most pharmacies in England without an appointment, and from sexual health clinics and GP surgeries across the UK. The NHS explains how the morning after pill works and where to get it.

In Ireland, the US, Australia and many other countries, the morning after pill is sold by pharmacies without a prescription; a pharmacist or sexual health clinic will tell you what suits you. If there is a chance of HIV exposure, ask a sexual health clinic or, out of hours, A&E about PEP: it needs to start within 72 hours, ideally within 24. Get an STI test a couple of weeks later; our sexual health guide explains when and where.

The morning after

If you stayed over, keep it light. Offer a drink or a shower, ask how they are getting home, and do not turn breakfast into a debrief. If you are the guest, read the room: an easy exit is often the kindest thing for both of you.

Do not leave without a word or vanish while they are asleep. A quick "thanks, that was fun, take care" is all it takes to leave things in a good place.

Leaving well

If it was a one-off and you both meant it, a single friendly message later is a nice touch, and then you are done. If they message hoping for more and you do not want it, reply once, kindly and clearly. Silence leaves people wondering; a clear no lets them move on.

If you would like to see them again, it is fine to ask, once. Plenty of one-offs turn into regular arrangements, and as long as you are both honest about it, that is a happy ending too. More on the first time in our first hook-up guide, and on keeping safe in our Safety Centre.

Staying safe

Casual does not mean careless. A few habits make a big difference, and the site is built around them.

• Look for the red tick. Verified members have passed a photo and ID check.
• Meet somewhere public first, and use Safety check-in to tell a friend where and when.
• Keep the chat on the site until you are sure. Anyone who pushes you off it quickly, or asks for money, is someone to report.
• Close any chat that does not feel right. One tap, no explanations needed.
• Report anything odd. Reports are reviewed by a person, and every photo is checked before it goes live.

What it costs, in UK prices

Joining, building your profile and browsing are free. You pay only when you want to message, and you choose how long for.

Passes never renew. Plans that do renew send you a reminder first, and you can cancel in two taps. Payments show on your statement under a neutral company name.

The prices below are UK prices, in pounds. Wherever you are, our prices page shows them in your own currency.

• 24-hour pass: £1.99, perfect for a free night
• 1 week: £4.99
• 1 month: £9.99, the main plan
• 3 months: £19.99
• Women who verify get full membership free, for as long as they stay active

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