Opening messages that get replies: a casual dating guide

Why most openers get ignored

Popular profiles get a lot of messages, and most of them are "hi", "you are gorgeous" or something nobody would say to a stranger in a bar. None of those give the other person anything to reply to. Worse, they read as copy and paste, which they usually are.

The opener that wins is the one that shows you actually read their profile and gives them an easy, fun way to answer.

The simple formula

Notice something specific, add a little of yourself, ask a light question. That is it. On No Strings Dating the quick opener does the first part for you: pick a tag you both have and it starts the conversation on common ground. Add a line of your own and you are already ahead of most of the inbox.

Short is good. Two sentences beats a paragraph, because it is easy to answer on a phone between other things.

Openers that work

Invented examples, to show the shape rather than to copy word for word.

• "You said good at cocktails, bad at pool. I am the exact opposite, so I think that makes us a team. What is your drink?"
• "We are both free at short notice, which is rarer than it should be. Are you a spontaneous drinks person or a plan-it-a-day-ahead person?"
• "New to this as well, so no pressure from me. What made you finally sign up?"
• "Weekend person too. What does a good Saturday night look like for you?"
• "I see you would rather chat first. Fair enough, so here is my opening question: best or worst first date you have ever been on?"
• "You can host and I can travel, which feels like the start of a very efficient friendship. Tell me one thing that is not on your profile."

Answering an opener well

Replies matter as much as openers. If someone has made an effort, answer their question and ask one back, so they have something to work with. If you are not interested, a quick "thanks, but I do not think we are a match" is kinder than silence and takes five seconds.

If someone opens with something crude or pushy, you do not owe them a reply at all. Close the chat. One tap, no explanations needed.

What to avoid

A few things reliably end a conversation before it starts.

• Crude or explicit openers. Even on a hook-up site, people want to feel chosen, not processed.
• Comments about bodies. Compliment their profile or their style, not their measurements.
• Sending sexual photos nobody asked for. Apart from being off-putting, cyberflashing is a criminal offence in England and Wales, and in Scotland too.
• Long life stories, or questions that feel like a job interview.
• Pushing to swap numbers or move apps straight away. That is what scammers do, so genuine people are wary of it.

Keeping the chat going

Match their pace and length roughly. Ask questions, but answer theirs properly too, so it feels like a conversation and not a quiz. Flirting is fine and expected here; just let it build. If things are heading somewhere spicier, check you are both enjoying it before you turn it up. Our guide to sexting safely covers that side.

Keep the chat on the site until you are sure. It keeps your number private, and if someone turns out to be a problem, you can close the chat and report them with the whole conversation in one place.

From chat to meeting

Casual chats have a shelf life. Once you are both clearly interested and it feels easy, suggest something simple: "Fancy a drink this week? Thursday or Friday suit you?" Give two options so saying yes is easy.

Keep the first meet small and public, somewhere you would happily go anyway. A drink in a busy bar is ideal: easy to extend if it is going well, and easy to end if it is not. If they say they would rather wait, that is fine. Ask what would suit them, and take a no as a full answer.

Look at their meeting style before you ask. Some people want to chat first, some prefer a quick video call, some are happy to meet quickly. If you are both free tonight, Free tonight shows it, and you can skip the back and forth. Our guide to your first hook-up covers what happens next.

Red flags in a chat

Most people you talk to will be exactly who they seem. A few will not, and they tend to show it in the chat before you ever meet. Slow down, or stop, if someone does any of these.

• Asks for money, gift cards or crypto, whatever the reason.
• Pushes hard to move to another app or get your number in the first few messages.
• Ignores a boundary you have stated, or keeps returning to something you said no to.
• Has a story that keeps changing, or always has a reason they cannot meet or video call.

When nobody replies

It happens to everyone, and it is rarely about you. People are busy, inboxes fill up, and sometimes the timing is just wrong. One friendly follow-up after a few days is fine. After that, let it go and put your energy into someone who is replying.

If you are getting very few replies anywhere, look at your own profile first. A clear photo and a specific bio change results more than any opener; our profile guide shows how.

Staying safe

Casual does not mean careless. A few habits make a big difference, and the site is built around them.

• Look for the red tick. Verified members have passed a photo and ID check.
• Meet somewhere public first, and use Safety check-in to tell a friend where and when.
• Keep the chat on the site until you are sure. Anyone who pushes you off it quickly, or asks for money, is someone to report.
• Close any chat that does not feel right. One tap, no explanations needed.
• Report anything odd. Reports are reviewed by a person, and every photo is checked before it goes live.

What it costs, in UK prices

Joining, building your profile and browsing are free. You pay only when you want to message, and you choose how long for.

Passes never renew. Plans that do renew send you a reminder first, and you can cancel in two taps. Payments show on your statement under a neutral company name.

The prices below are UK prices, in pounds. Wherever you are, our prices page shows them in your own currency.

• 24-hour pass: £1.99, perfect for a free night
• 1 week: £4.99
• 1 month: £9.99, the main plan
• 3 months: £19.99
• Women who verify get full membership free, for as long as they stay active

Quick answers