Casual dating over 40 and 50: a frank, friendly guide

Why casual dating suits this stage of life

By 40 or 50, many people have done the long relationship, maybe the marriage, maybe the children. What they want now is company, chemistry and fun, without rebuilding their whole life around someone else. Casual dating fits that neatly.

You also have advantages younger daters do not. You are usually better at saying what you want, better at hearing no, and much less likely to put up with nonsense.

This is our full guide to casual dating over 40, covering confidence, divorce, bodies and sexual health. For a quicker look at meeting people your age on the site, see over 40 dating.

Confidence, and where it really comes from

Nerves are normal, especially if you have not dated for years. The fix is not pretending to be younger. It is being clear, warm and comfortable with who you are now. That is genuinely attractive, at any age.

Use recent photos that look like you today. Old photos might get a like, but they set up a disappointing first meet. One clear face photo and one of you doing something you enjoy is plenty, and you can keep more personal photos private until you choose to share them.

Dating after divorce or a long relationship

There is no correct waiting time. Some people are ready within months, others need a couple of years. A good test: are you looking forward to meeting new people, or trying to prove something to an ex? If it is the second, give it a little longer.

Casual can be a gentle way back in. It lets you rediscover what you enjoy without the weight of a new relationship. Just be honest that this is what you are doing, with yourself and with the people you meet.

Bodies change, and that is fine

Everyone's body changes with time, and the person you are meeting is in the same boat. Talk about what feels good, take your time, and treat any hiccup with humour rather than embarrassment. Lube is a friend, not an admission.

If something is affecting your sex life, such as erection problems, menopause symptoms or pain, a GP or sexual health clinic can help, and it is a routine conversation for them. For women, pregnancy is still possible around the menopause; in the UK and Ireland, health services generally advise contraception until periods have stopped for a year if you are over 50, or two years if under 50. Check with your GP or clinic.

Sexual health is not just for the young

This is the bit many people over 40 skip, and it shows. Diagnoses of sexually transmitted infections among older adults have risen over the past decade in England, the US and elsewhere, and health services now regularly remind people over 50 to use protection and test.

Part of the reason is that people who no longer worry about pregnancy stop using condoms. Use them with new partners, and test regularly: after a new partner, and every few months if you are seeing several people. In the UK, NHS sexual health clinics are free and confidential. Our sexual health guide and the Safety Centre list services in every country we serve.

Being clear about what you want

Many people in this age group are wary of time wasters, so clarity is your best asset. Say in a line or two what you are after: something regular, the odd evening, a weekend companion. Then pick the matching intention tags, so people know before they say hello. Our guide to writing a casual dating profile has examples.

Say what you are not after, too. If you do not want anything serious, or anything at weekends because the kids are with you, put it down. The right people will appreciate it.

Tech tips for getting started

The tech is easier than it looks. A few tips will save you some head-scratching.

• The age check is a quick selfie. Good light and your glasses off help.
• Set "How do you like to meet?" to "Chat first" or "Video call first" if you want to get a feel for someone before meeting.
• Use "When are you free?" so people with the same availability find you.
• Switch on Free tonight when you are around, and it turns itself off when the time has passed.
• Ignore anyone who asks for money or pushes you off the site quickly. That is a scam, at any age.

First meets, the grown-up way

A drink or a coffee somewhere public is still the best first meet, whatever your age. Keep it short, have your own way home, and use Safety check-in to let a friend know where you are. If the chemistry is there, you can plan the next meet with confidence. Our first hook-up guide covers the rest.

Women: if you verify your ID, you get full membership free for as long as you stay active. The details are on our women go free page.

How it works on No Strings Dating

Joining takes about a minute. You say who you are, who you want to meet and where you are, then pick your intention tags: the things you are up for, and the things you are not. Those tags sit on your profile, so nobody has to guess.

Before anyone can see you, you pass a quick age check with a selfie. Then you can browse by distance, by shared intentions, and by who has switched on Free tonight. When something clicks, send a quick opener on a tag you share. If the interest is mutual, the chat opens.

Staying safe

Casual does not mean careless. A few habits make a big difference, and the site is built around them.

• Look for the red tick. Verified members have passed a photo and ID check.
• Meet somewhere public first, and use Safety check-in to tell a friend where and when.
• Keep the chat on the site until you are sure. Anyone who pushes you off it quickly, or asks for money, is someone to report.
• Close any chat that does not feel right. One tap, no explanations needed.
• Report anything odd. Reports are reviewed by a person, and every photo is checked before it goes live.

What it costs, in UK prices

Joining, building your profile and browsing are free. You pay only when you want to message, and you choose how long for.

Passes never renew. Plans that do renew send you a reminder first, and you can cancel in two taps. Payments show on your statement under a neutral company name.

The prices below are UK prices, in pounds. Wherever you are, our prices page shows them in your own currency.

• 24-hour pass: £1.99, perfect for a free night
• 1 week: £4.99
• 1 month: £9.99, the main plan
• 3 months: £19.99
• Women who verify get full membership free, for as long as they stay active

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