Discreet dating: keeping your private life private

Who discreet dating is for

Teachers, nurses, police officers, local business owners, anyone with a public profile: lots of people have good reasons to keep their dating life quiet. So do people in small communities, and people who are just naturally private. None of that is shameful. It just means taking a few sensible steps.

Discretion here means privacy, not deception. Everything in this guide is about protecting your own information and respecting other people's.

This is our in-depth guide to discreet dating for single people who value their privacy. If you are in a relationship and looking for something on the side, our page on discreet affairs is written for you.

What the site does for you

Some privacy is built in before you lift a finger.

• Profiles never appear on public pages or in search engines.
• Every member passes a selfie age check before anyone can see them, and profiles are only shown to signed-in members.
• You can keep photos private and share them person by person.
• You can block anyone, including people you know, and they will no longer see you.
• Payments show on your statement under a neutral company name.

Photo privacy

Your public photo is the one most people see, so choose it with care. A photo that is clearly you but not instantly recognisable from across a room works well: a profile angle, a softer light, or a shot where you are not in your work clothes. Avoid photos with your workplace, your car's number plate, your street or anything with your name on it.

Keep anything more personal in private photos and share only when you trust someone. Check the background of every picture before you upload it. Post, letters and framed certificates are easy to miss.

It is also worth knowing the law. In England and Wales, sharing an intimate image of someone without their consent is a criminal offence, under rules brought in by the Online Safety Act 2023. Other countries have similar laws. Our guide to sexting safely covers what to share and what to keep.

Your profile and your settings

Use a first name or nickname, not your full name. Describe your job in general terms ("I work in healthcare") rather than naming your employer. Set the Discretion answer to "Discretion appreciated" or "Discretion essential" so people know from the start.

If you spot someone you know, block them. One tap, and they will not see you either.

Statements, emails and your phone

Payments show under a neutral company name, so a glance at your bank app will not give anything away. Passes never renew, and plans remind you before they do, so there are no surprise charges to explain. Full details are on the pricing page.

On your phone, turn off message previews on your lock screen, and consider using a separate email address just for dating. Both are simple settings that stop a notification saying more than you would like.

Keep chats on the site

It is tempting to swap numbers quickly, but your number links to a lot: your name, messaging apps, sometimes your social media. Keep chatting on the site until you have met and you trust the person. Anyone who pushes hard to move off it early is a red flag, and often a scammer.

When you do share contact details, consider a messaging app where you can use a username rather than your phone number.

Meeting discreetly, and safely

Privacy and safety pull in the same direction most of the time. Meet somewhere public that is a little away from where you live or work, so you are less likely to bump into someone you know, but still somewhere busy and easy to leave. Make your own way there and back.

Discreet does not mean telling nobody. Use Safety check-in and send the link to one friend you trust: they will know where you are without needing to know anything else. Our Safety Centre has more on meeting someone new, and our first hook-up guide covers what comes next.

How it works on No Strings Dating

Joining takes about a minute. You say who you are, who you want to meet and where you are, then pick your intention tags: the things you are up for, and the things you are not. Those tags sit on your profile, so nobody has to guess.

Before anyone can see you, you pass a quick age check with a selfie. Then you can browse by distance, by shared intentions, and by who has switched on Free tonight. When something clicks, send a quick opener on a tag you share. If the interest is mutual, the chat opens.

Respecting other people's privacy

Discretion only works if everyone does it. Never screenshot or share someone's photos, messages or profile. Never mention who you have met to mutual friends, and do not try to find someone's surname or workplace online. If you recognise someone, a block is kinder than a knowing look.

The rule is simple: treat other people's privacy the way you would want yours treated.

Staying safe

Casual does not mean careless. A few habits make a big difference, and the site is built around them.

• Look for the red tick. Verified members have passed a photo and ID check.
• Meet somewhere public first, and use Safety check-in to tell a friend where and when.
• Keep the chat on the site until you are sure. Anyone who pushes you off it quickly, or asks for money, is someone to report.
• Close any chat that does not feel right. One tap, no explanations needed.
• Report anything odd. Reports are reviewed by a person, and every photo is checked before it goes live.

What it costs, in UK prices

Joining, building your profile and browsing are free. You pay only when you want to message, and you choose how long for.

Passes never renew. Plans that do renew send you a reminder first, and you can cancel in two taps. Payments show on your statement under a neutral company name.

The prices below are UK prices, in pounds. Wherever you are, our prices page shows them in your own currency.

• 24-hour pass: £1.99, perfect for a free night
• 1 week: £4.99
• 1 month: £9.99, the main plan
• 3 months: £19.99
• Women who verify get full membership free, for as long as they stay active

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